home

mornings start before 8
lovely dog who just plundered the third of eye-drop bottle
having to be in my brother's room to blog and all things www
catching up on tv shows
constant queries about next life-decision
friends getting married
friends cancelling wedding plans
old loves resurfacing
thinking of Bear in K-land
clean,wipe,shine
and
oh
obligatory church appearance.
moan
groan
oh brothers!

such drought

wow!
such drought
i am going to the place where i was spawned
i am going to be watered and fed
i am going to sprout new branches
i am going to flourish in the utter absence of easy attainable contrete nouns.

winter has finally finally finally let up on this long suffering sunshine being. each new day id think its here!spring! and then would come a cold burst yet again. but now truly, le old man has gone to grow his white beard out of sight of us who love life,granting us reprieve from cold clutches.
goodbye to you, my (trusty) heavy,drab,furry things.
and a very grand hello to you,muchly missed shorts,slippers,chappals,and all flowy things made of cotton!
i see each new leaf coming to life,every new bud that has turned to blossom. my joy knows no bounds at the sight of the canopy of flowers i walk under.
this is a sign of new things being born. and the packing away of old hurts and things. there is light for me.everywhere. and i share it with everyone.because it is beautiful.this birthing of a rebirth.

juno

when i first heard about it,i was greatly intrigued,muchly because i saw ellen page in Hard Candy and i thought her riveting. but then i began to get anxious,was'nt quite sure i wanted to see it even. i guess i figured i would be disappointed. and disappointments are never good,ESPECIALLY at/by films.
and so! i didnt like the first thirty or so minutes.Juno has this really sharp wit that is perhaps meant to somehow endear you to her because of it but it doesnt. the witticisms got old really quick. but as she starts to grow in her pregnant state,there was this subtle peeling off of her angry teenage angst of being non-conformist. and she became just this girl who is as confused as everybody else and in the midst of all that confusion was lucky enough to find love. a love that probably wont last. but because everybody should have love that is real as real is at the time, juno redeems herself.
so thats why i love the movie.go see

we wish him well,dont we?
while all the while wishing that he would wish us there with him

taking out trash

many songs came into my head
in the absence of thoughts that were unable to process themselves into coherence,even to myself.most of all to myself.
and so i kept jumping from one song to the next.carefully timing them so they would run into each other and leave no room for madness
and the words went through me
the music kept me standing
so that in that incredibly cruel moment of having to let go
i could
and i did
i took out the trash,the most beautiful of them all.
adieu!

i am done over by the genius that is ryan adams. the beat up face, bad hair, ugly clothes. the guitar,piano,harmonica,and nicotine laced voice that fills me up,carries me over under and reworks my whole person.
i attempt and continually fail to describe the
sadness
loneliness
honesty
realness
beauty
amazing-ness
perfect-ness
of his music.