juno

when i first heard about it,i was greatly intrigued,muchly because i saw ellen page in Hard Candy and i thought her riveting. but then i began to get anxious,was'nt quite sure i wanted to see it even. i guess i figured i would be disappointed. and disappointments are never good,ESPECIALLY at/by films.
and so! i didnt like the first thirty or so minutes.Juno has this really sharp wit that is perhaps meant to somehow endear you to her because of it but it doesnt. the witticisms got old really quick. but as she starts to grow in her pregnant state,there was this subtle peeling off of her angry teenage angst of being non-conformist. and she became just this girl who is as confused as everybody else and in the midst of all that confusion was lucky enough to find love. a love that probably wont last. but because everybody should have love that is real as real is at the time, juno redeems herself.
so thats why i love the movie.go see

we wish him well,dont we?
while all the while wishing that he would wish us there with him

taking out trash

many songs came into my head
in the absence of thoughts that were unable to process themselves into coherence,even to myself.most of all to myself.
and so i kept jumping from one song to the next.carefully timing them so they would run into each other and leave no room for madness
and the words went through me
the music kept me standing
so that in that incredibly cruel moment of having to let go
i could
and i did
i took out the trash,the most beautiful of them all.
adieu!

i am done over by the genius that is ryan adams. the beat up face, bad hair, ugly clothes. the guitar,piano,harmonica,and nicotine laced voice that fills me up,carries me over under and reworks my whole person.
i attempt and continually fail to describe the
sadness
loneliness
honesty
realness
beauty
amazing-ness
perfect-ness
of his music.

the princess and her suitors

i have a strange love-hate relationship with technology. first off, im a tech-whore, which is not to say that im good at it. quite the opposite actually. but really, i thrive on it. some of my best moments have come from my gadgets(pun totally intended and unintended as well)
take my digital camera for instance. god! how i love you, you slightly big and completely lacking in sleekness and feminine curves hunk of a tweeked up version of a very original and fascinating invention. ive had it for quite a while now. and the reason i bought this particular one was because it was not your average run of the mill churn out.it prides itself in being imbued with certain features that would assist,nod and prod the budding amateur photographer. thing is, im too lazy to really try to figure it out and use it to its full potential. i even find myself calling myself a moron(and rightly so!) because it IS bulky and heavy and inconveneint when you just wanna wear a slight little thing and it just wont fit in any old cute dress pocket or what have you.
next is my mp3 player. that was ALSO acquired because it was not run of the mill AND also because it was'nt an ipod(hehe). and as much as i like it, the bloody thing comes with a software that's SUPPOSED to make it easier to manage. and true to form,yours truly has proved herself lacking in the skills to tap that peice of information too! the irony! argh!
and my computer. oh where do i start with you, beloved monster of my existence! i cant use word because its the damned vista version and therefore,i am blocked! wmp totally fucks with me every single time i use it,again the latest version,hence the fuck up. and then theres all these program files that are murking up my storage space that if i delete them could quite possibly have my beloved one bail on me. and if that happens,where would i be? unfortunate is the sucker who would want to even imagine what my fate would be in this scenario.
then you have your usual cell phone, stereo,dvd player etc etc etc.
and so! what doooo that whole tirade equate to?
but the billiob dollar question here is
is the owner of all these afore-mentioned appendages a dim wit?

a sunday blurb

here i am,after church, strangely introspective and compelled to record these thoughts. the pastor asked the congregation(myself included,of course:-!) if by our actions we'd hurt the ones we love. by any account this is not a compelling question nor is it incredible. but i found myself unnervingly tickled. i mean of course i am aware that my actions oftentimes have repercussions, nasty ones at times, even. maybe it's the escapist in me that never thought to think that those repercussions might actually have been heartbreaking for someone that i love.
disappointment does not count here. because in a lifetime, you're bound to disappoint.fated even. and more often than not it's the ones that you love, the ones that love you that you end up disappointing and that end up disapointed by you.
i remember when my brother was on drugs and how heartbreaking and cruel that felt. and god! i hope that i was not ever the cause of hurt felt

2008. enormously scary portentous happenings anticipated

on the 3rd day of the new year,2008.i just got off the phone with Daddy Longlegs-Sir Galahad-The Frog Prince-Muffin. i didnt so much get off as i was cruelly cut off by the powers that be that determined i just had a minute left on my card. why is there so much time when you dont need it and so little time when you want it to last forever? how sad that reality and the natural order of things always happen in that one perfect moment that it will conflict with your divine plan!
and so, at this portentous time, i have been called to acknowledge and fess up to my actions and decisions in the last year past.
and what i have realised is this-
1) i was horrendously wrong to let my body take over my heart.
2) as a result of that horrendously wrong decision, i am now bereft of the one true thing that i had, that i had been looking for all my life time.
3) and the result of the absence of that comforting constant had left me shattered with no hope of redemption, of recovering that loss
can horrendously wronged deeds be undone? or at least be over done? or done over,but in a different way?