the princess and her suitors

i have a strange love-hate relationship with technology. first off, im a tech-whore, which is not to say that im good at it. quite the opposite actually. but really, i thrive on it. some of my best moments have come from my gadgets(pun totally intended and unintended as well)
take my digital camera for instance. god! how i love you, you slightly big and completely lacking in sleekness and feminine curves hunk of a tweeked up version of a very original and fascinating invention. ive had it for quite a while now. and the reason i bought this particular one was because it was not your average run of the mill churn out.it prides itself in being imbued with certain features that would assist,nod and prod the budding amateur photographer. thing is, im too lazy to really try to figure it out and use it to its full potential. i even find myself calling myself a moron(and rightly so!) because it IS bulky and heavy and inconveneint when you just wanna wear a slight little thing and it just wont fit in any old cute dress pocket or what have you.
next is my mp3 player. that was ALSO acquired because it was not run of the mill AND also because it was'nt an ipod(hehe). and as much as i like it, the bloody thing comes with a software that's SUPPOSED to make it easier to manage. and true to form,yours truly has proved herself lacking in the skills to tap that peice of information too! the irony! argh!
and my computer. oh where do i start with you, beloved monster of my existence! i cant use word because its the damned vista version and therefore,i am blocked! wmp totally fucks with me every single time i use it,again the latest version,hence the fuck up. and then theres all these program files that are murking up my storage space that if i delete them could quite possibly have my beloved one bail on me. and if that happens,where would i be? unfortunate is the sucker who would want to even imagine what my fate would be in this scenario.
then you have your usual cell phone, stereo,dvd player etc etc etc.
and so! what doooo that whole tirade equate to?
but the billiob dollar question here is
is the owner of all these afore-mentioned appendages a dim wit?

a sunday blurb

here i am,after church, strangely introspective and compelled to record these thoughts. the pastor asked the congregation(myself included,of course:-!) if by our actions we'd hurt the ones we love. by any account this is not a compelling question nor is it incredible. but i found myself unnervingly tickled. i mean of course i am aware that my actions oftentimes have repercussions, nasty ones at times, even. maybe it's the escapist in me that never thought to think that those repercussions might actually have been heartbreaking for someone that i love.
disappointment does not count here. because in a lifetime, you're bound to disappoint.fated even. and more often than not it's the ones that you love, the ones that love you that you end up disappointing and that end up disapointed by you.
i remember when my brother was on drugs and how heartbreaking and cruel that felt. and god! i hope that i was not ever the cause of hurt felt

2008. enormously scary portentous happenings anticipated

on the 3rd day of the new year,2008.i just got off the phone with Daddy Longlegs-Sir Galahad-The Frog Prince-Muffin. i didnt so much get off as i was cruelly cut off by the powers that be that determined i just had a minute left on my card. why is there so much time when you dont need it and so little time when you want it to last forever? how sad that reality and the natural order of things always happen in that one perfect moment that it will conflict with your divine plan!
and so, at this portentous time, i have been called to acknowledge and fess up to my actions and decisions in the last year past.
and what i have realised is this-
1) i was horrendously wrong to let my body take over my heart.
2) as a result of that horrendously wrong decision, i am now bereft of the one true thing that i had, that i had been looking for all my life time.
3) and the result of the absence of that comforting constant had left me shattered with no hope of redemption, of recovering that loss
can horrendously wronged deeds be undone? or at least be over done? or done over,but in a different way?

im home,alone 3 am on a sunday.how queer of me:-)
i remember when queer used to be a safe word,back in the day with 'gay'. fast forward to the year 2007 or even a decade before that(or more),it's just not excusable to use those words without the underbelly of the belly. are we raping the etymological status of these words? or are we breathing life into them,getting them out of their proverbial closet?
see,i feel queer(not strange or weird or out of place or any other convulated variations i can think of for the word queer).therefore i shall damn well use the queer word queer without fear or trepidation of there being an implication of it being anything else besides what im feeling right now.
wonderful tangent , here i am

after weeks of volumnously talking about it,polly has finally taken up knitting. if you ask me, i think it's just another one of the many doors she starts to open but never ever walks through.
luck

ps-long live the lizard king :-)

dear sir

u will never know that your fire consumed mine and that i was glad that it did.

now i want the cant have

its like a dance really
a swish of skirts
a tap of a shoe
click click
left and right
to the
front and back
side to side
then a step
and new hands new fingers
colors smoke fire

i want the dance to stop
yesterday
when there were very strong worthy fingers